I have a motto; If you don’t cry once a day, you’re not doing it right.  For some reason offices don’t have “Cry Rooms,” so if you’re like me you’re probably doing the majority of your crying in your car during lunch.  The problem is you eventually have to face your coworkers, so I’ve compiled some of my best tips for HIDING THOSE TEARS.

SUNGLASSES:  This will buy you an extra five minutes.  Maybe ten if you claim migraine and say you need relief from the harsh fluorescent lighting

COVER UP:  When I cry I’m fit to guide Santa’s sleigh.  What I’m saying in a roundabout, not funny way is my nose gets red. For anyone still lost – RUDOLPH RED. Bust out that coverup and hide that red honker.

ALLERGIES: They make your eyes water.  Who doesn’t get allergies?

OLD CONTACTS:  Everyone knows “two-week disposables” means two months or until they disintegrate in your eye.  This means a corneal abrasion could easily occur, thus making your eyes watery and red. Woohoo!

DON’T HIDE, FLUFFY DIED: Your cat being sick is the perfect excuse for adult tears. Just say he vomited three times and you’re scared.  Then follow up the next day and blame a hairball. And if you’re worried about saying something horrible about Fluffy, he gets it. I mean, he knows you better than anyone.